[ It turns out it actually is kind of hard to wrestle with a panther, particularly when you are laughing while you try. Flynn lets himself get rammed, skids back in the grass with the impact, and then wraps both arms around Yuri to give back as good as he gets, laughing himself breathless the whole time.
He's still laughing by the time they come to a panting stop in the grass, side-by-side, with no clear winner. Stars wheel dizzy overhead, and Flynn's wings stretch out wide. ]
[ Yuri's laughing too, staring up at the stars, his legs sticking in the air until he decides to turn back into himself.
He rolls onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow to look down at Flynn. His hair falls down, tickling Flynn's shoulder.
He looks over Flynn, over his face in the darkness, lit by the light of his halo and the stars overhead, the smile on his face, the shape of his body, so familiar now. He's half on one of Flynn's wings, but Flynn doesn't seem to mind. His eyes skate down and land on the mark on Flynn's arm, dark against his skin. He's seen it before, but hasn't said anything. He's been too scared, too concerned, too-- something to say anything. But right now, he's happy and tipsy and he reaches over for Flynn's arm to take a closer look at the mark ]
Not at the touch: in a moment that will register, and his world will drop out from under him. For now, his breath catches at Yuri. The lines of him, his long dark hair, spilling over onto Flynn, casual and easy. The way they're touching, easy like it used to be. For a moment, their 16-year-old-selves hover over the two of them, grinning at each other, bright and easy, connected. Yuri would egg him on even then, bait him into fighting, and Hanks would get so angry but Flynn would always fall for it because fighting with Yuri meant focusing entirely on Yuri and Yuri focusing entirely on him, and back then there was nothing in the world more thrilling than that.
It's thrilling now. Yuri smiles, and Flynn's heart snags on the curve of it, and he stares right back with his halo glinting and his eyes sea-bright with affection, and he thinks I can't believe I get to be this close to him and his hair and he's so—
and then Yuri grabs his arm, and the world drops, and Flynn's stomach drops with it. His breath explodes out from behind his teeth, sharp. He waits, and lets his arm be pulled up, feels the mark burning hot there.
There's a matching one on Yuri's arm, shining away. A sun, for Flynn, to match the moon inked dark into his skin.
[ Yuri hears the intake of breath, harsh in the quiet of night, but he just keeps going, running his thumb over the mark. It's a part of him, like a tattoo, and it's shining gently where Yuri touches him and it really means it, doesn't it? It really means that Flynn is his, and he is Flynn's.
It's strange, really looking at it. Acknowledging it when they've both been ignoring this for weeks now. ]
Do you like it?
[ Maybe that isn't the right question, but it's one he wonders. Does Flynn like the mark? Does he like being Yuri's soulmate? Would he have chosen this? Does he regret it? Does he wish he weren't tied to Yuri like this? Does he wish he didn't have a mark on his skin?
Or does he look at it like Yuri does, and feel a warmth glow through him, an assurance he didn't know he needed or wanted, that he's loved ]
[ Yuri's fingers slide over the mark, and Flynn shivers. Time turns syrup-slow, creeps around them on quiet feet.
A question like the one Yuri asked has a hundred layers. Flynn hears them all, piled on top of one another, tipping precariously on the few syllables they're balanced on.
He looks at Yuri's thumb, pale against dark ink, and then up at his face. For so long he was so afraid of what he would see there if they talked about this: he imagined this conversation going a hundred different ways, and each of them was like pulling teeth, fracturing into pieces every time.
With Yuri actually here in front of him, it's easy. Questions crowd the air between them: do you like it? Does it look good? Do you like what it means? Do you like that I have a matching one? Would you prefer if I didn't? Do you want to stay with me, do you want to make this work, do you want to keep doing whatever it is we're doing, do you want to come home with me, do you like it?
Flynn answers the questions, neatly, all at once. ]
Yes.
[ And then, the harder part. Flynn gathers his courage, finds it readily available, and asks: ]
[ Yuri glances up at him, and this time it doesn't feel like a mistake. He meets Flynn's eyes and smiles, and feels all the things he's feeling reflected back to him. Flynn is worried about the same things? Flynn is wondering the same things? Flynn wants him. He knows Flynn wants him, but he doesn't know how much. He doesn't know how Flynn wants him, or why, but he knows Flynn does, and that knowledge nestles next to his heart ]
Yeah. Never thought of you as much of a tattoo guy, but it looks good.
[ It looks good because it's Yuri's, and Yuri feels some kind of way about being marked on Flynn's skin. It's like being too exposed, perceived, but also proud and courageous and excited and all sorts of things that make his smile soften as he thumbs over Flynn's mark again. ]
It hits him, and oddly, it makes him smile. Flynn was so worried about being too deep in this, that Yuri would take one look at the mark on his arm (the mark he has probably known about for weeks now) and say something like that's annoying or guess I really am stuck with you and Flynn would be left to puzzle through that.
But of course he wouldn't. Yuri is careless and impulsive but he's gentle where it counts, and he wouldn't say anything like that. Not to Flynn's face.
He isn't feeling it, either.
Carefully, Flynn lifts his forearm, an offering. ]
[ The smile grows on Yuri's face, and he lifts his arm in turn, tapping it to Flynn's. The gentle glow of their marks surges bright in the darkness, and the worry that's at the back of his mind seems to evaporate, a swell of love and acceptance and peace dropping over them like a warm blanket. Yuri isn't sure if he's ever felt like this before. It's almost uncomfortable, to feel comfortable like this, to be almost forced to accept that Flynn is in this, too, that Flynn wants this, too.
A part of him still can't accept it, even with the marks glowing on their arms, even with the connection between their eyes, even with sleeping together every night, the soft kisses, the gentle words, the way Flynn looks at him. Even with all of that, it seems absurd that Yuri might actually get to have this. That he might get to be with Flynn, even for a little while.
The glow fades, and Yuri watches Flynn, smile forgotten now ]
He gets lost in the tide of it, tossed along in the swell of affection and warmth, the bone-deep knowledge he was sure he'd never feel again (we're in this together, he wants me here). That same twisted warm tangle of feelings wraps around the two of them, and Flynn knows that he isn't alone in it, and he has no idea what to do with it. When was the last time he was sure of something that Yuri was feeling? Before the cold anger, before the fights and before they snapped at each other, before Yuri needled him every chance he got.
When they were still a united force, the two of them against the world.
Flynn missed it so much.
He can't put any of it into words: it's still too big to break down into something like sound, and so instead, as the light fades and his breath comes back to him, Flynn leans over on his own wing and a little bit on Yuri's hair and kisses him. ]
[ Kissing, at least, it easy. Flynn can kiss him and Yuri can lean into it and make a soft sound and something flutters in his stomach because even after two weeks of this... yeah. It still feels good, it feels amazing, especially here, outside of Flynn's room. Being in public, even alone outside, still feels different. He wondered if it would be a secret, something they shared together in the dark or a locked room and nowhere else, but Flynn keeps pushing that, and Yuri is happy to go along with it.
He smiles against Flynn's lips, awash in everything, feeling so good in a way he can't remember feeling in ages, in years. It's like something in him was pressing down on him, on his feelings, feeling him down and struggling to want to do anything. Those feelings started to ebb when he left Zaphias with Estelle, but they were still there, especially when he thought about what he was going to do to Ragou-- but now, it feels like that was a different life, like he was a different person, because right now he doesn't feel any of that. He feels free and he feels happy and he has Flynn against him and Flynn is holding him, kissing him, Flynn likes his soulmate mark, Flynn wants to be with him, Flynn makes him so, so happy in a way he'd forgotten he could be ]
[ It would be easiest to kiss him again. It would be easiest to bask in this feeling, in this quiet, secret, comfortable warmth, a bubble back in place between them and the world outside, and Flynn finally inside it with Yuri.
He could lean over and kiss him again but questions are beating on the insides of his ribs and so through the glow, he says, soft, with his hand on Yuri's hip (when did it get there?), ]
I asked. To make sure it was really... I didn't want to be wrong about what it was.
Asked... about the mark? [ Yuri's mind takes a second to catch up, still focused on the kiss. He glances at Flynn, feels nerves there, and looks away ] You, what did you think it was?
[ Nerves flare, but Flynn presses on, comforted by how close Yuri is. He isn't trying to get away. That's something. That has to be something. ]
Well, the chances of me getting a tattoo without remembering it are... low, and I remembered Kaneki talking about the various sorts of soulmate marks he discovered, so. I asked him a little more about that.
Yeah, I did. [ Yuri laughs and, on a whim, reaches down to twine their fingers together. Why does that feel good? Why does being close to Flynn feel good? ] It was pretty stupid. I knew what it meant. I just... [ Wasn't ready to think about it ]
[ Or something like that. That's certainly how Flynn feels: like it was too big a thing to deconstruct, like it meant too much for him to pick apart his next few actions, for fear of shattering the whole thing.
Or maybe he was just being a coward about it. At least now he can squeeze Yuri's hand, feel the callouses on his palm from sword and axe, the same that they've always been. Some things don't change.
For once, Flynn finds himself looking forward to the things that are changing between him and Yuri. ]
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I guess it's kind of stupid, really. We were already hooking up, but the feelings stuff-- [ He wrinkles his nose. Feelings. ] It's kind of a big deal. Soulmates. It sounds big. Really big.
[ He looks down at their hands, clasped like they used to do when they were really small, before they had swords and problems, when they were just kids running around Zaphias, picking fights.
He lets out a breath and looks at the stars, instead. He used to think the stars were the one constant, but even they're different here ]
[ They used to read stories to the younger children. Adventure stories, knights and heroes and monsters. True Love. Yuri never cared about those parts, but Flynn would read them anyway and imagine that one day he would sweep in at just the right moment to destroy some monster, fueled by love. He imagined it back then like a fire, lighting you up from the inside, showing you the way when everything else was dark.
He wasn't entirely wrong, maybe. Loving Yuri does feel a little bit like setting himself aflame. It feels like Flynn must have swallowed some of those stars. They're fizzing in his belly, uncontrollable and hot and swelling, threatening to burst out of him. If Yuri peeled back his ribs right now, he'd see them, nudging into each other, flaring around Flynn's heart.
Flynn squeezes Yuri's hand tighter and lets himself think, for a bare second, about soulmates. ]
I knew.
[ He admits this to the grass between their knees, damp and cool, and to the press of Yuri's hand. ]
As soon as Kaneki confirmed it was likely a soulmate mark, I— there's no one else it... could be. Of course it's you.
[ Yuri's heart feels full. Full in a way like eating too much food, a little uncomfortable, but satiated, happy, content. He feels settled in his own skin in a way he hasn't in ages, maybe ever. He feels so much through how their bodies are touching, through the tangle of Flynn's fingers in his, through his words, soft and honest and so very Flynn. He has his best friend back. He's in love with his best friend, and his best friend loves him too, he thinks. He has to. This feels like love is supposed to feel.
He leans into Flynn, into his body, the solid shape of him that Yuri's become reacquainted with over the last few weeks, different now. Stronger, older, but the same guy, under all of it.
Of course it's you.
It feels like, for the first time in a long time, things are going right. ]
But you were too chicken to mention it, too, right?
[ It's more a laugh than a groan, but Flynn flops against Yuri with it all the same, smiling stupidly to himself at their knocking knees and the solid familiar warmth of Yuri knowing exactly why he did what he did without having to ask. ]
Yes. Exactly. What kind of coward am I, being that scared? I guess I—I don't know. I thought I would...
[ Somehow, words come easier this way, with Yuri pressed up against him, warm and sweet. ]
I thought, maybe, you wouldn't like that this place had done this to us. Or that you... you were already on the verge of choosing something different, back home. Not... us, but a life that suited you much better.
[ It's always easier to talk about this stuff when they aren't looking at each other, but being pressed together, looking at the same sky, that helps even more. They don't have to see each others' faces to know, to understand. It's like they're breathing the same breath again, walking in step, knowing each other the way they used to ]
Don't get me wrong, I don't like being told stuff like this. And I was, was going down a different path. But we were brought here to be better, and that wasn't better. It was necessary, but it wasn't good, not for me, not for the world, not really.
I still think what you're trying to do, that it's the right thing to do. But maybe, [ This is the harder part, and he squeezes Flynn's hand, reassured by Flynn's hand still in his ] maybe we are better off together, carving the same path, somehow. I'm not saying I can be a knight, we both know I can't, but something like that. Some way that I can help you do the things you need to do. Maybe, maybe this is one of the ways. Maybe it's not telling us what to do, but a nudge in the right direction.
[ Flynn says, with his heart in his voice, aching with the force of that want. Isn't that all he's wanted? To stay by Yuri's side, to make a better world with him and for him: a place that Yuri is happy to live, a place that supports him and the people like him, that doesn't grind him down underneath its uncaring heel and convince him that he's worth less than everybody else, that the only way he'll be of use to the world is to burn himself up for it.
But here Yuri is, saying that something bigger than both of them is telling them to try it together. Flynn feels sort of pathetic. He wants it to be true so badly, and maybe that was the terrifying part, the idea that actually he can't do this alone, that he needs Yuri to be anything at all. Who would he be without Yuri, after all, telling him to do better, telling him what needs to change, being selfless and beautiful?
Flynn doesn't know. He has never wanted to know, but their paths diverged and Yuri ran away and Flynn swallowed that knowledge even though it stuck like a barb in his throat: their paths, maybe, weren't going to be as entwined as Flynn would have liked. Flynn maybe wasn't enough to keep him there.
Maybe now he is.
Maybe the mark is. Maybe the mark will succeed where Flynn himself failed. ]
Maybe I could help you, too. I know that you don't know what it is you want to do, yet, but...
But... we might be stuck here forever, so, maybe we both need to figure it out. [ Yuri looks back at him with a soft smile.
This really shouldn't be possible. Being here with Flynn, getting along, saying true things without Flynn giving him a disapproving look-- it feels too good to be real. But it is real, at least it is for this Yuri, the Yuri who can turn into a cat and lives in a tree house and has kissed Flynn. It's real for him. ]
Whatever you want to do, I'm sure it's going to be pretty amazing.
[ What is Flynn supposed to do with this flood of feeling? He ducks his head with it, smiling quietly, and then looks up at Yuri with all of it shining in his eyes. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He's still laughing by the time they come to a panting stop in the grass, side-by-side, with no clear winner. Stars wheel dizzy overhead, and Flynn's wings stretch out wide. ]
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He rolls onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow to look down at Flynn. His hair falls down, tickling Flynn's shoulder.
He looks over Flynn, over his face in the darkness, lit by the light of his halo and the stars overhead, the smile on his face, the shape of his body, so familiar now. He's half on one of Flynn's wings, but Flynn doesn't seem to mind. His eyes skate down and land on the mark on Flynn's arm, dark against his skin. He's seen it before, but hasn't said anything. He's been too scared, too concerned, too-- something to say anything. But right now, he's happy and tipsy and he reaches over for Flynn's arm to take a closer look at the mark ]
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Not at the touch: in a moment that will register, and his world will drop out from under him. For now, his breath catches at Yuri. The lines of him, his long dark hair, spilling over onto Flynn, casual and easy. The way they're touching, easy like it used to be. For a moment, their 16-year-old-selves hover over the two of them, grinning at each other, bright and easy, connected. Yuri would egg him on even then, bait him into fighting, and Hanks would get so angry but Flynn would always fall for it because fighting with Yuri meant focusing entirely on Yuri and Yuri focusing entirely on him, and back then there was nothing in the world more thrilling than that.
It's thrilling now. Yuri smiles, and Flynn's heart snags on the curve of it, and he stares right back with his halo glinting and his eyes sea-bright with affection, and he thinks I can't believe I get to be this close to him and his hair and he's so—
and then Yuri grabs his arm, and the world drops, and Flynn's stomach drops with it. His breath explodes out from behind his teeth, sharp. He waits, and lets his arm be pulled up, feels the mark burning hot there.
There's a matching one on Yuri's arm, shining away. A sun, for Flynn, to match the moon inked dark into his skin.
I was so scared, Dirk had said. ]
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It's strange, really looking at it. Acknowledging it when they've both been ignoring this for weeks now. ]
Do you like it?
[ Maybe that isn't the right question, but it's one he wonders. Does Flynn like the mark? Does he like being Yuri's soulmate? Would he have chosen this? Does he regret it? Does he wish he weren't tied to Yuri like this? Does he wish he didn't have a mark on his skin?
Or does he look at it like Yuri does, and feel a warmth glow through him, an assurance he didn't know he needed or wanted, that he's loved ]
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A question like the one Yuri asked has a hundred layers. Flynn hears them all, piled on top of one another, tipping precariously on the few syllables they're balanced on.
He looks at Yuri's thumb, pale against dark ink, and then up at his face. For so long he was so afraid of what he would see there if they talked about this: he imagined this conversation going a hundred different ways, and each of them was like pulling teeth, fracturing into pieces every time.
With Yuri actually here in front of him, it's easy. Questions crowd the air between them: do you like it? Does it look good? Do you like what it means? Do you like that I have a matching one? Would you prefer if I didn't? Do you want to stay with me, do you want to make this work, do you want to keep doing whatever it is we're doing, do you want to come home with me, do you like it?
Flynn answers the questions, neatly, all at once. ]
Yes.
[ And then, the harder part. Flynn gathers his courage, finds it readily available, and asks: ]
Do you?
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Yeah. Never thought of you as much of a tattoo guy, but it looks good.
[ It looks good because it's Yuri's, and Yuri feels some kind of way about being marked on Flynn's skin. It's like being too exposed, perceived, but also proud and courageous and excited and all sorts of things that make his smile soften as he thumbs over Flynn's mark again. ]
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[ Yuri's worried, too.
It hits him, and oddly, it makes him smile. Flynn was so worried about being too deep in this, that Yuri would take one look at the mark on his arm (the mark he has probably known about for weeks now) and say something like that's annoying or guess I really am stuck with you and Flynn would be left to puzzle through that.
But of course he wouldn't. Yuri is careless and impulsive but he's gentle where it counts, and he wouldn't say anything like that. Not to Flynn's face.
He isn't feeling it, either.
Carefully, Flynn lifts his forearm, an offering. ]
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A part of him still can't accept it, even with the marks glowing on their arms, even with the connection between their eyes, even with sleeping together every night, the soft kisses, the gentle words, the way Flynn looks at him. Even with all of that, it seems absurd that Yuri might actually get to have this. That he might get to be with Flynn, even for a little while.
The glow fades, and Yuri watches Flynn, smile forgotten now ]
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He gets lost in the tide of it, tossed along in the swell of affection and warmth, the bone-deep knowledge he was sure he'd never feel again (we're in this together, he wants me here). That same twisted warm tangle of feelings wraps around the two of them, and Flynn knows that he isn't alone in it, and he has no idea what to do with it. When was the last time he was sure of something that Yuri was feeling? Before the cold anger, before the fights and before they snapped at each other, before Yuri needled him every chance he got.
When they were still a united force, the two of them against the world.
Flynn missed it so much.
He can't put any of it into words: it's still too big to break down into something like sound, and so instead, as the light fades and his breath comes back to him, Flynn leans over on his own wing and a little bit on Yuri's hair and kisses him. ]
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He smiles against Flynn's lips, awash in everything, feeling so good in a way he can't remember feeling in ages, in years. It's like something in him was pressing down on him, on his feelings, feeling him down and struggling to want to do anything. Those feelings started to ebb when he left Zaphias with Estelle, but they were still there, especially when he thought about what he was going to do to Ragou-- but now, it feels like that was a different life, like he was a different person, because right now he doesn't feel any of that. He feels free and he feels happy and he has Flynn against him and Flynn is holding him, kissing him, Flynn likes his soulmate mark, Flynn wants to be with him, Flynn makes him so, so happy in a way he'd forgotten he could be ]
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He could lean over and kiss him again but questions are beating on the insides of his ribs and so through the glow, he says, soft, with his hand on Yuri's hip (when did it get there?), ]
I asked. To make sure it was really... I didn't want to be wrong about what it was.
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Well, the chances of me getting a tattoo without remembering it are... low, and I remembered Kaneki talking about the various sorts of soulmate marks he discovered, so. I asked him a little more about that.
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Embarrassment floods Flynn all at once, lighting up his face. He presses a hand over it with a small groan. ]
You didn't.
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[ Or something like that. That's certainly how Flynn feels: like it was too big a thing to deconstruct, like it meant too much for him to pick apart his next few actions, for fear of shattering the whole thing.
Or maybe he was just being a coward about it. At least now he can squeeze Yuri's hand, feel the callouses on his palm from sword and axe, the same that they've always been. Some things don't change.
For once, Flynn finds himself looking forward to the things that are changing between him and Yuri. ]
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[ He looks down at their hands, clasped like they used to do when they were really small, before they had swords and problems, when they were just kids running around Zaphias, picking fights.
He lets out a breath and looks at the stars, instead. He used to think the stars were the one constant, but even they're different here ]
But it makes sense. [ That it's Flynn ]
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He wasn't entirely wrong, maybe. Loving Yuri does feel a little bit like setting himself aflame. It feels like Flynn must have swallowed some of those stars. They're fizzing in his belly, uncontrollable and hot and swelling, threatening to burst out of him. If Yuri peeled back his ribs right now, he'd see them, nudging into each other, flaring around Flynn's heart.
Flynn squeezes Yuri's hand tighter and lets himself think, for a bare second, about soulmates. ]
I knew.
[ He admits this to the grass between their knees, damp and cool, and to the press of Yuri's hand. ]
As soon as Kaneki confirmed it was likely a soulmate mark, I— there's no one else it... could be. Of course it's you.
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He leans into Flynn, into his body, the solid shape of him that Yuri's become reacquainted with over the last few weeks, different now. Stronger, older, but the same guy, under all of it.
Of course it's you.
It feels like, for the first time in a long time, things are going right. ]
But you were too chicken to mention it, too, right?
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[ It's more a laugh than a groan, but Flynn flops against Yuri with it all the same, smiling stupidly to himself at their knocking knees and the solid familiar warmth of Yuri knowing exactly why he did what he did without having to ask. ]
Yes. Exactly. What kind of coward am I, being that scared? I guess I—I don't know. I thought I would...
[ Somehow, words come easier this way, with Yuri pressed up against him, warm and sweet. ]
I thought, maybe, you wouldn't like that this place had done this to us. Or that you... you were already on the verge of choosing something different, back home. Not... us, but a life that suited you much better.
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Don't get me wrong, I don't like being told stuff like this. And I was, was going down a different path. But we were brought here to be better, and that wasn't better. It was necessary, but it wasn't good, not for me, not for the world, not really.
I still think what you're trying to do, that it's the right thing to do. But maybe, [ This is the harder part, and he squeezes Flynn's hand, reassured by Flynn's hand still in his ] maybe we are better off together, carving the same path, somehow. I'm not saying I can be a knight, we both know I can't, but something like that. Some way that I can help you do the things you need to do. Maybe, maybe this is one of the ways. Maybe it's not telling us what to do, but a nudge in the right direction.
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[ Flynn says, with his heart in his voice, aching with the force of that want. Isn't that all he's wanted? To stay by Yuri's side, to make a better world with him and for him: a place that Yuri is happy to live, a place that supports him and the people like him, that doesn't grind him down underneath its uncaring heel and convince him that he's worth less than everybody else, that the only way he'll be of use to the world is to burn himself up for it.
But here Yuri is, saying that something bigger than both of them is telling them to try it together. Flynn feels sort of pathetic. He wants it to be true so badly, and maybe that was the terrifying part, the idea that actually he can't do this alone, that he needs Yuri to be anything at all. Who would he be without Yuri, after all, telling him to do better, telling him what needs to change, being selfless and beautiful?
Flynn doesn't know. He has never wanted to know, but their paths diverged and Yuri ran away and Flynn swallowed that knowledge even though it stuck like a barb in his throat: their paths, maybe, weren't going to be as entwined as Flynn would have liked. Flynn maybe wasn't enough to keep him there.
Maybe now he is.
Maybe the mark is. Maybe the mark will succeed where Flynn himself failed. ]
Maybe I could help you, too. I know that you don't know what it is you want to do, yet, but...
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This really shouldn't be possible. Being here with Flynn, getting along, saying true things without Flynn giving him a disapproving look-- it feels too good to be real. But it is real, at least it is for this Yuri, the Yuri who can turn into a cat and lives in a tree house and has kissed Flynn. It's real for him. ]
Whatever you want to do, I'm sure it's going to be pretty amazing.
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You really think so?
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