[ It's more a laugh than a groan, but Flynn flops against Yuri with it all the same, smiling stupidly to himself at their knocking knees and the solid familiar warmth of Yuri knowing exactly why he did what he did without having to ask. ]
Yes. Exactly. What kind of coward am I, being that scared? I guess IāI don't know. I thought I would...
[ Somehow, words come easier this way, with Yuri pressed up against him, warm and sweet. ]
I thought, maybe, you wouldn't like that this place had done this to us. Or that you... you were already on the verge of choosing something different, back home. Not... us, but a life that suited you much better.
[ It's always easier to talk about this stuff when they aren't looking at each other, but being pressed together, looking at the same sky, that helps even more. They don't have to see each others' faces to know, to understand. It's like they're breathing the same breath again, walking in step, knowing each other the way they used to ]
Don't get me wrong, I don't like being told stuff like this. And I was, was going down a different path. But we were brought here to be better, and that wasn't better. It was necessary, but it wasn't good, not for me, not for the world, not really.
I still think what you're trying to do, that it's the right thing to do. But maybe, [ This is the harder part, and he squeezes Flynn's hand, reassured by Flynn's hand still in his ] maybe we are better off together, carving the same path, somehow. I'm not saying I can be a knight, we both know I can't, but something like that. Some way that I can help you do the things you need to do. Maybe, maybe this is one of the ways. Maybe it's not telling us what to do, but a nudge in the right direction.
[ Flynn says, with his heart in his voice, aching with the force of that want. Isn't that all he's wanted? To stay by Yuri's side, to make a better world with him and for him: a place that Yuri is happy to live, a place that supports him and the people like him, that doesn't grind him down underneath its uncaring heel and convince him that he's worth less than everybody else, that the only way he'll be of use to the world is to burn himself up for it.
But here Yuri is, saying that something bigger than both of them is telling them to try it together. Flynn feels sort of pathetic. He wants it to be true so badly, and maybe that was the terrifying part, the idea that actually he can't do this alone, that he needs Yuri to be anything at all. Who would he be without Yuri, after all, telling him to do better, telling him what needs to change, being selfless and beautiful?
Flynn doesn't know. He has never wanted to know, but their paths diverged and Yuri ran away and Flynn swallowed that knowledge even though it stuck like a barb in his throat: their paths, maybe, weren't going to be as entwined as Flynn would have liked. Flynn maybe wasn't enough to keep him there.
Maybe now he is.
Maybe the mark is. Maybe the mark will succeed where Flynn himself failed. ]
Maybe I could help you, too. I know that you don't know what it is you want to do, yet, but...
But... we might be stuck here forever, so, maybe we both need to figure it out. [ Yuri looks back at him with a soft smile.
This really shouldn't be possible. Being here with Flynn, getting along, saying true things without Flynn giving him a disapproving look-- it feels too good to be real. But it is real, at least it is for this Yuri, the Yuri who can turn into a cat and lives in a tree house and has kissed Flynn. It's real for him. ]
Whatever you want to do, I'm sure it's going to be pretty amazing.
[ What is Flynn supposed to do with this flood of feeling? He ducks his head with it, smiling quietly, and then looks up at Yuri with all of it shining in his eyes. ]
Yeah, of course I do. You... you're gonna do great things.
[ He believes it with all his heart, clear as day in his eyes. The amount he believes in Flynn, in his heart, in his mind, in his determination, is more than a little incredible. It's a belief that's stronger than any other belief Yuri holds, which is really why he can't believe that he gets to be with Flynn.
He squeezes his hand, unable to keep the stupid, happy smile off his face ]
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no subject
[ It's more a laugh than a groan, but Flynn flops against Yuri with it all the same, smiling stupidly to himself at their knocking knees and the solid familiar warmth of Yuri knowing exactly why he did what he did without having to ask. ]
Yes. Exactly. What kind of coward am I, being that scared? I guess IāI don't know. I thought I would...
[ Somehow, words come easier this way, with Yuri pressed up against him, warm and sweet. ]
I thought, maybe, you wouldn't like that this place had done this to us. Or that you... you were already on the verge of choosing something different, back home. Not... us, but a life that suited you much better.
no subject
Don't get me wrong, I don't like being told stuff like this. And I was, was going down a different path. But we were brought here to be better, and that wasn't better. It was necessary, but it wasn't good, not for me, not for the world, not really.
I still think what you're trying to do, that it's the right thing to do. But maybe, [ This is the harder part, and he squeezes Flynn's hand, reassured by Flynn's hand still in his ] maybe we are better off together, carving the same path, somehow. I'm not saying I can be a knight, we both know I can't, but something like that. Some way that I can help you do the things you need to do. Maybe, maybe this is one of the ways. Maybe it's not telling us what to do, but a nudge in the right direction.
no subject
[ Flynn says, with his heart in his voice, aching with the force of that want. Isn't that all he's wanted? To stay by Yuri's side, to make a better world with him and for him: a place that Yuri is happy to live, a place that supports him and the people like him, that doesn't grind him down underneath its uncaring heel and convince him that he's worth less than everybody else, that the only way he'll be of use to the world is to burn himself up for it.
But here Yuri is, saying that something bigger than both of them is telling them to try it together. Flynn feels sort of pathetic. He wants it to be true so badly, and maybe that was the terrifying part, the idea that actually he can't do this alone, that he needs Yuri to be anything at all. Who would he be without Yuri, after all, telling him to do better, telling him what needs to change, being selfless and beautiful?
Flynn doesn't know. He has never wanted to know, but their paths diverged and Yuri ran away and Flynn swallowed that knowledge even though it stuck like a barb in his throat: their paths, maybe, weren't going to be as entwined as Flynn would have liked. Flynn maybe wasn't enough to keep him there.
Maybe now he is.
Maybe the mark is. Maybe the mark will succeed where Flynn himself failed. ]
Maybe I could help you, too. I know that you don't know what it is you want to do, yet, but...
no subject
This really shouldn't be possible. Being here with Flynn, getting along, saying true things without Flynn giving him a disapproving look-- it feels too good to be real. But it is real, at least it is for this Yuri, the Yuri who can turn into a cat and lives in a tree house and has kissed Flynn. It's real for him. ]
Whatever you want to do, I'm sure it's going to be pretty amazing.
no subject
You really think so?
no subject
[ He believes it with all his heart, clear as day in his eyes. The amount he believes in Flynn, in his heart, in his mind, in his determination, is more than a little incredible. It's a belief that's stronger than any other belief Yuri holds, which is really why he can't believe that he gets to be with Flynn.
He squeezes his hand, unable to keep the stupid, happy smile off his face ]