Yeah, I did. [ Yuri laughs and, on a whim, reaches down to twine their fingers together. Why does that feel good? Why does being close to Flynn feel good? ] It was pretty stupid. I knew what it meant. I just... [ Wasn't ready to think about it ]
[ Or something like that. That's certainly how Flynn feels: like it was too big a thing to deconstruct, like it meant too much for him to pick apart his next few actions, for fear of shattering the whole thing.
Or maybe he was just being a coward about it. At least now he can squeeze Yuri's hand, feel the callouses on his palm from sword and axe, the same that they've always been. Some things don't change.
For once, Flynn finds himself looking forward to the things that are changing between him and Yuri. ]
Yeah. Yeah, exactly. I guess it's kind of stupid, really. We were already hooking up, but the feelings stuff-- [ He wrinkles his nose. Feelings. ] It's kind of a big deal. Soulmates. It sounds big. Really big.
[ He looks down at their hands, clasped like they used to do when they were really small, before they had swords and problems, when they were just kids running around Zaphias, picking fights.
He lets out a breath and looks at the stars, instead. He used to think the stars were the one constant, but even they're different here ]
[ They used to read stories to the younger children. Adventure stories, knights and heroes and monsters. True Love. Yuri never cared about those parts, but Flynn would read them anyway and imagine that one day he would sweep in at just the right moment to destroy some monster, fueled by love. He imagined it back then like a fire, lighting you up from the inside, showing you the way when everything else was dark.
He wasn't entirely wrong, maybe. Loving Yuri does feel a little bit like setting himself aflame. It feels like Flynn must have swallowed some of those stars. They're fizzing in his belly, uncontrollable and hot and swelling, threatening to burst out of him. If Yuri peeled back his ribs right now, he'd see them, nudging into each other, flaring around Flynn's heart.
Flynn squeezes Yuri's hand tighter and lets himself think, for a bare second, about soulmates. ]
I knew.
[ He admits this to the grass between their knees, damp and cool, and to the press of Yuri's hand. ]
As soon as Kaneki confirmed it was likely a soulmate mark, Iā there's no one else it... could be. Of course it's you.
[ Yuri's heart feels full. Full in a way like eating too much food, a little uncomfortable, but satiated, happy, content. He feels settled in his own skin in a way he hasn't in ages, maybe ever. He feels so much through how their bodies are touching, through the tangle of Flynn's fingers in his, through his words, soft and honest and so very Flynn. He has his best friend back. He's in love with his best friend, and his best friend loves him too, he thinks. He has to. This feels like love is supposed to feel.
He leans into Flynn, into his body, the solid shape of him that Yuri's become reacquainted with over the last few weeks, different now. Stronger, older, but the same guy, under all of it.
Of course it's you.
It feels like, for the first time in a long time, things are going right. ]
But you were too chicken to mention it, too, right?
[ It's more a laugh than a groan, but Flynn flops against Yuri with it all the same, smiling stupidly to himself at their knocking knees and the solid familiar warmth of Yuri knowing exactly why he did what he did without having to ask. ]
Yes. Exactly. What kind of coward am I, being that scared? I guess IāI don't know. I thought I would...
[ Somehow, words come easier this way, with Yuri pressed up against him, warm and sweet. ]
I thought, maybe, you wouldn't like that this place had done this to us. Or that you... you were already on the verge of choosing something different, back home. Not... us, but a life that suited you much better.
[ It's always easier to talk about this stuff when they aren't looking at each other, but being pressed together, looking at the same sky, that helps even more. They don't have to see each others' faces to know, to understand. It's like they're breathing the same breath again, walking in step, knowing each other the way they used to ]
Don't get me wrong, I don't like being told stuff like this. And I was, was going down a different path. But we were brought here to be better, and that wasn't better. It was necessary, but it wasn't good, not for me, not for the world, not really.
I still think what you're trying to do, that it's the right thing to do. But maybe, [ This is the harder part, and he squeezes Flynn's hand, reassured by Flynn's hand still in his ] maybe we are better off together, carving the same path, somehow. I'm not saying I can be a knight, we both know I can't, but something like that. Some way that I can help you do the things you need to do. Maybe, maybe this is one of the ways. Maybe it's not telling us what to do, but a nudge in the right direction.
[ Flynn says, with his heart in his voice, aching with the force of that want. Isn't that all he's wanted? To stay by Yuri's side, to make a better world with him and for him: a place that Yuri is happy to live, a place that supports him and the people like him, that doesn't grind him down underneath its uncaring heel and convince him that he's worth less than everybody else, that the only way he'll be of use to the world is to burn himself up for it.
But here Yuri is, saying that something bigger than both of them is telling them to try it together. Flynn feels sort of pathetic. He wants it to be true so badly, and maybe that was the terrifying part, the idea that actually he can't do this alone, that he needs Yuri to be anything at all. Who would he be without Yuri, after all, telling him to do better, telling him what needs to change, being selfless and beautiful?
Flynn doesn't know. He has never wanted to know, but their paths diverged and Yuri ran away and Flynn swallowed that knowledge even though it stuck like a barb in his throat: their paths, maybe, weren't going to be as entwined as Flynn would have liked. Flynn maybe wasn't enough to keep him there.
Maybe now he is.
Maybe the mark is. Maybe the mark will succeed where Flynn himself failed. ]
Maybe I could help you, too. I know that you don't know what it is you want to do, yet, but...
But... we might be stuck here forever, so, maybe we both need to figure it out. [ Yuri looks back at him with a soft smile.
This really shouldn't be possible. Being here with Flynn, getting along, saying true things without Flynn giving him a disapproving look-- it feels too good to be real. But it is real, at least it is for this Yuri, the Yuri who can turn into a cat and lives in a tree house and has kissed Flynn. It's real for him. ]
Whatever you want to do, I'm sure it's going to be pretty amazing.
[ What is Flynn supposed to do with this flood of feeling? He ducks his head with it, smiling quietly, and then looks up at Yuri with all of it shining in his eyes. ]
Yeah, of course I do. You... you're gonna do great things.
[ He believes it with all his heart, clear as day in his eyes. The amount he believes in Flynn, in his heart, in his mind, in his determination, is more than a little incredible. It's a belief that's stronger than any other belief Yuri holds, which is really why he can't believe that he gets to be with Flynn.
He squeezes his hand, unable to keep the stupid, happy smile off his face ]
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[ Or something like that. That's certainly how Flynn feels: like it was too big a thing to deconstruct, like it meant too much for him to pick apart his next few actions, for fear of shattering the whole thing.
Or maybe he was just being a coward about it. At least now he can squeeze Yuri's hand, feel the callouses on his palm from sword and axe, the same that they've always been. Some things don't change.
For once, Flynn finds himself looking forward to the things that are changing between him and Yuri. ]
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[ He looks down at their hands, clasped like they used to do when they were really small, before they had swords and problems, when they were just kids running around Zaphias, picking fights.
He lets out a breath and looks at the stars, instead. He used to think the stars were the one constant, but even they're different here ]
But it makes sense. [ That it's Flynn ]
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He wasn't entirely wrong, maybe. Loving Yuri does feel a little bit like setting himself aflame. It feels like Flynn must have swallowed some of those stars. They're fizzing in his belly, uncontrollable and hot and swelling, threatening to burst out of him. If Yuri peeled back his ribs right now, he'd see them, nudging into each other, flaring around Flynn's heart.
Flynn squeezes Yuri's hand tighter and lets himself think, for a bare second, about soulmates. ]
I knew.
[ He admits this to the grass between their knees, damp and cool, and to the press of Yuri's hand. ]
As soon as Kaneki confirmed it was likely a soulmate mark, Iā there's no one else it... could be. Of course it's you.
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He leans into Flynn, into his body, the solid shape of him that Yuri's become reacquainted with over the last few weeks, different now. Stronger, older, but the same guy, under all of it.
Of course it's you.
It feels like, for the first time in a long time, things are going right. ]
But you were too chicken to mention it, too, right?
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[ It's more a laugh than a groan, but Flynn flops against Yuri with it all the same, smiling stupidly to himself at their knocking knees and the solid familiar warmth of Yuri knowing exactly why he did what he did without having to ask. ]
Yes. Exactly. What kind of coward am I, being that scared? I guess IāI don't know. I thought I would...
[ Somehow, words come easier this way, with Yuri pressed up against him, warm and sweet. ]
I thought, maybe, you wouldn't like that this place had done this to us. Or that you... you were already on the verge of choosing something different, back home. Not... us, but a life that suited you much better.
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Don't get me wrong, I don't like being told stuff like this. And I was, was going down a different path. But we were brought here to be better, and that wasn't better. It was necessary, but it wasn't good, not for me, not for the world, not really.
I still think what you're trying to do, that it's the right thing to do. But maybe, [ This is the harder part, and he squeezes Flynn's hand, reassured by Flynn's hand still in his ] maybe we are better off together, carving the same path, somehow. I'm not saying I can be a knight, we both know I can't, but something like that. Some way that I can help you do the things you need to do. Maybe, maybe this is one of the ways. Maybe it's not telling us what to do, but a nudge in the right direction.
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[ Flynn says, with his heart in his voice, aching with the force of that want. Isn't that all he's wanted? To stay by Yuri's side, to make a better world with him and for him: a place that Yuri is happy to live, a place that supports him and the people like him, that doesn't grind him down underneath its uncaring heel and convince him that he's worth less than everybody else, that the only way he'll be of use to the world is to burn himself up for it.
But here Yuri is, saying that something bigger than both of them is telling them to try it together. Flynn feels sort of pathetic. He wants it to be true so badly, and maybe that was the terrifying part, the idea that actually he can't do this alone, that he needs Yuri to be anything at all. Who would he be without Yuri, after all, telling him to do better, telling him what needs to change, being selfless and beautiful?
Flynn doesn't know. He has never wanted to know, but their paths diverged and Yuri ran away and Flynn swallowed that knowledge even though it stuck like a barb in his throat: their paths, maybe, weren't going to be as entwined as Flynn would have liked. Flynn maybe wasn't enough to keep him there.
Maybe now he is.
Maybe the mark is. Maybe the mark will succeed where Flynn himself failed. ]
Maybe I could help you, too. I know that you don't know what it is you want to do, yet, but...
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This really shouldn't be possible. Being here with Flynn, getting along, saying true things without Flynn giving him a disapproving look-- it feels too good to be real. But it is real, at least it is for this Yuri, the Yuri who can turn into a cat and lives in a tree house and has kissed Flynn. It's real for him. ]
Whatever you want to do, I'm sure it's going to be pretty amazing.
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You really think so?
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[ He believes it with all his heart, clear as day in his eyes. The amount he believes in Flynn, in his heart, in his mind, in his determination, is more than a little incredible. It's a belief that's stronger than any other belief Yuri holds, which is really why he can't believe that he gets to be with Flynn.
He squeezes his hand, unable to keep the stupid, happy smile off his face ]